I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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