Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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