oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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