She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
