don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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