hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
