so explain again why im purple
no
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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