This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
As shirtless as possible
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
