You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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