Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
