I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize