could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
