if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
