so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
