i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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