i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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