i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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