i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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