just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
