I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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