apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
