dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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