The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
