We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
