I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
