Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
