My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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