Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
