I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
