I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
