I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
