he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
