Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
