i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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