Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
