after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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