She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize