OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
