Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
