I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
