Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
