with your own penis?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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