Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
