sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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