Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
