I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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