dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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