I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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