Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They took my balls.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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