Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
