WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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