and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
