i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
