South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
