I can tuck mytits in my pants
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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