the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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