Your dad touched me again.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
