dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
