ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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