I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
