guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize