Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
