just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it's like heaven, but drunker
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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