you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
