would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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